|Before you ask .. that's a beauty mark on my dawg.|
For as long as I can remember, you and I have had this horribly wonderful love-hate relationship. You were there for some good times, and you were there for some bad. You witnessed me at my smallest size, guided me through "healthy" pregnancy weight gains, and suffered with me through my post-baby weight loss attempts.
When I was my smallest, around the age of 18, you were my dear friend. You helped guide me to a weight that was so low and so unmaintainable, and yet the number you showed me made me feel good. It made me feel like I looked good, was healthy, and was worth something.
When I was at my biggest, I despised you and hated your guts for showing me numbers I'd never wanted to see. I blamed you for my size and for every pound that seemed to find its way onto your display. It was YOUR fault I was gaining weight.
When I reflect on both scenarios, I realize that neither of them were healthy or proper. It wasn't fair of me to blame you for my weight gain, and it wasn't fair of you to make me feel like the lower the number you showed me, the better a person I was.
I understand the importance of checking in with you on my weight loss journey, but I don't wish to be so dependent on your results anymore. I don't need your numbers to let me know if I'm doing a good job. You won't be able to tell me if I made healthy food choices that day. You won't be able to tell me if I ran long enough yesterday. You'll only be able to tell me how much I weigh. And in my quest to maintain a healthy and active lifestyle, my weight is such a minimal and unimportant thing. What is important is that I DO make those healthy food choices ... That I DO keep up my exercising and working out, and how my mind, body and soul FEEL. And if I'm feeling great physically and mentally, then I know I'm doing things right. I'll know I'm headed in the right direction.
Yes, I will still check in with you every now and then. I do have a weight-loss goal that I would like to reach. But things will be different. Instead of focusing on my weight goals, I'm going to concentrate on my fitness and body goals. I'll still have to weigh-in weekly with my WW program, but I won't be placing any importance on the ups and downs of the numbers. I know that as long as I'm properly following the program, making good food choices and exercising regularly, that the weight loss will continue.
What matters is how I feel, both inside and out.
And so, dear scale, I'm breaking up with you. I'll see you every now and then, but not every day, as we've both grown accustomed to. Age is just a number - so is weight. And while I want to be a healthy weight (and no longer classified as morbidly obese) I can become a healthy weight without being tied down to you.
I wish you well, old friend and foe.