I haven't run since high school. Yeah. So this first run in about nine years was ... Interesting. (Hold on - it's been NINE years since I graduated?!)
I'm using one of those free iPhone apps to help with my training, the kind that's supposed to help me run a 5K in eight weeks, with three runs per week. Eight weeks to help rectify a nine-year lapse between runs? Cool. Too bad they don't have those programs for weight loss! Ha.
On day one of the program, there's a five-minute warmup walk, followed by the 20-minute run (one minute running alternated with two minutes of walking) and then the five-minute cool down.
When it's time to start running, the program beeps and a lady tells me to start running. Then when the minute is over, it beeps again and she tells me to start walking for two minutes.
Not bad, right?
Okay, so here was my step-by-step train of thought during the run:
"Oop, time to start running for the first time! How the heck do I program this machine to run .. Oh okay ... Hey, that wasn't so bad! I can do this!"
"This is going to be a piece of cake! Oooh cake .."
"Wow, those two minutes flew by .. Get running!"
"Why is this minute lasting an HOUR?!"
"Okay, concentrate on the music. Focus on the music. Eff, I have a cramp."
"Finally! Yay walking! Ahhhhh ..."
"What the hell, that walk only JUST started!!!!"
"Stop chugging your water and you'll stop getting cramps, MORON!"
"I think my boobs are bruising my face."
"I paid $43 to run MUCH more than this in Septemer?! Fool!"
"And now my boobs are breaking my back. Good Lord I need a sports bra."
"HALF WAY!! (at this point I actually clapped my hands) OMG YAY!! Wait. That means I have to do all this again for a second time. Sigh."
"Wow .. That Big Mac looks awesome .. It's been ages since I've had one .. Shut the TV off on your machine Mama!"
"Walking. I'm walking!! And smiling!! This is wonderful!! Nnnnnooo shut up stupid woman, I JUST started walking!!!"
"My butt jumps a LOT when I run. I must be bruising my legs."
"I can't feel my legs. Probably because my right leg just fell off."
"SHE SAID TWO MORE MINUTES!! I COULD KISS HER!!!"
"Oh thank heavens that's over .. "
"Hey, that wasn't so bad. Can't wait till the next run!"
Yeah. So that was my day. I struggled to get through it, made it to the end, and now I feel really good!
Army Run .. You're my Everest!!
|This was me post-run. Super sweaty, proud to have made it, and relieved it was over!|
Pps. It's been NINE years since I have finished high school?!